I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
