Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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