i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
