I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Randomize
