Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Randomize
