Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
He is such a slut. More and more my type.
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
