Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
I just threw up on my dentist
I think I am morally bankrupt
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
I DEMAND FORESKIN
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