i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Randomize
