I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
