I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
Randomize
