just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
Randomize
