Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
