what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Randomize
