So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
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