my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
