I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
it's like heaven, but drunker
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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