I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
Randomize
