I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
