I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Randomize
