I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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