I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Randomize
