i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
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