I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
