wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
Randomize
