First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Randomize
