mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
