i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
Randomize
