O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
