return my video game
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Randomize
