jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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