Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Randomize
