gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
My bed is full of blood and feathers
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
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