It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
