Banned from zoo.
Again?
My cat gives me a boner
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
Randomize
