is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Randomize
