There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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