Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
