You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
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