Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Randomize
