You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
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