Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
and she was petting her beer can
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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