I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
