i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
