sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
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