Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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