i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
the day after is always just damage control
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
