haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
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