fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
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