I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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