I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Randomize
