dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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