1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
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