Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
