Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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