One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
