Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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