im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
Randomize
