I'm so fucking centered right now
1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
