I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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