Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Randomize
