I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
We smell like vodka and hangover
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