Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
I believe in your delicious
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Randomize
