i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Randomize
