He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
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