I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Randomize
