I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
