If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
Randomize
