it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
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