Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
