I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
