hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize